no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
