I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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