I cannot find my penis.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Everclear isn't food dammit
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
