you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
