thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
