I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
