I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
