just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
