So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
