We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You were trust falling into bushes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
