ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
