OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my being single is dangerous.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
