So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
