I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
That accounts for only three of the penises
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
