I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm at about main and main street
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
