Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
