Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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