She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
