me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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