No stitches, just platelets and will power
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
