So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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