i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
