I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
