it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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