Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I would fuck him just for his dog
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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