Your mouth is God's brothel.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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