Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
