I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
