I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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