So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
