oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
