Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
