I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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