Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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