One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
