the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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