This house was built for laser tag.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
