Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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