On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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