I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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