You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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