just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Randomize
