I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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