would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
