Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We are two peas in an std pod
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
