Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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