Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
