My nipple is on Facebook.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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