i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
