dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
