Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
