yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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